47. The only Road That I Have Ever Know



adjective: erudite
  1. having or showing great knowledge or learning.

Be sunny
Be bright.

Don’t cry.


Look forward to tomorrow.

Laugh out loud.

Educate yourself.

Enjoy knowledge.

Knowledge is endless where life is not.  Our lives will eventually come to a screeching end.  The knowledge that you have obtained is what you will pass to your next generation.  The generation that will change the world.  If knowledge just ended the way life did than, what would happen?  Would we slowly descend the opposite direction back into the stone age?

I find that I am constantly seeking knowledge.
I want to know everything that I do not.

Today wasn’t a good day.
Today was a hard one.

Days like today make me forget everything I have ever learned.  These type of days make me feel obsolete and insignificant.  Reality is that I am smart, beautiful , and intelligent and I forget.  I forget ever single time my heart aches.

darker than



noun: ignorance
  1. lack of knowledge or information

I will strive to never be ignorant.
Ignorance causes hate and heartache.  When you speak on something you know nothing about you do nothing but hinder not only your own intelligence but the smarts of the people around you.  I’m tired of hate.  From Race, to religion , to politics.  We can so easily be ignorant to reality.  The reality that we are all one.  Without one another we are nothing.  We wouldn’t exist without each other.  So why so do some of us feel so entitled to what this world has to offer.  Some of us feel that our skin color or our upbringing entitles us to different rights that those of another skin color or a poorer upbringing.


Growing up in a big house.
playing with the best of the best.
having educated parents.
and simply just being fortunate.
Does not give you the right to damn the struggling.




Your fortunate upbringing is no way better than the people in this world that have endured.
The people who have suffered.  The people who have cried and prayed and starved.

How easily you forget about the suffering of the entire world when you have nothing to worry about in your comfy cozy life.  Reality is that the poor out weight the fortunate.  The truly unfortunate thing about that is that the “fortunate” are the ones who in the end will never have the knowledge to create a less ignorant procreation.

You will certainly never exceed your own boundaries until you can understand that.  Until you are able to truly understand that circumstances do not define intelligence.  Circumstances should not decide what rights you may or may not have.


I was told today that only working class Americans with an education should be allowed to vote.

this comment makes me want to vomit.
The ignorance of such a statement makes me sick and sad for the rest of America.

I feel like I walk alone in this lonely world.

13 thoughts on “47. The only Road That I Have Ever Know

  1. Hi, I’m new to your blog. I’m interested in the beauty and fashion industry from an artist/feminist perspective and I have found your voice to be very brave and your modeling bold. I can relate to some of the feelings you express in this and in your other writing and appreciated learning from the insights you share. I have worked with models more as the photographer/painter but I know they would value your post and you aren’t walking alone even if it feels that way. (BTW great photo… I hope you do another one with the words on your leg where you are walking… maybe one alone and then one where other women start to join you???) I love how you turned the hard day you had into this positive creativity and healing. Peace and joy to you. 🙂

    • Thank you very much for your kind words.
      It makes me feel good to know that my thoughts are translating in a positive way even when i’m not feeling so positive.

      Thank you for stopping by and reading my thoughts!

      I am much appreciative..

      • Well, I think you posting the positive for others as a protest against the negative you experienced is a very kind form of revolution.
        My own art and writing can often take on the “savagery” of how I feel and I get a cathartic healing in the processing or the truths I reveal whether objective or subjective and although this may have worked for the assorted Greek tragedies in poetry and plays, I’m not always convinced of my own ability to translate the pain into healing works for others. I’m use to being more misunderstood than understood. Sometimes I even end up preferring it that way because I like ambiguity in art as a challenge.
        Your work proves that sometimes being more earnest in communication is a requirement for true understanding.
        Anyhow, I hope you feel better and that things become more positive for you in the new day. You deserve to be happy! 🙂

    • Its funny because I very selfishly started this blog to help ME heal. To get through addiction and to assure
      that everyone I know and love knows where I stand these days.

      yet somehow I have managed to reach out to other people….
      and I’m quite frequently shocked about how many people share my issues.

      Its refreshing to know that others out there struggle and hurt and can relate.
      I’m very happy to have found my place.

      and ambiguity is beautiful.
      It’s what art is.
      scrambled words on a page are honesty.

      written word with ambiguity is art. Its like going to an art exhibit and trying to put yourself in the mind of the artist.
      trying to decipher the feeling of each brush stroke. Each and every viewer will have a different idea of the emotion
      that is conveyed.

      • Oh definitely keep doing it for you. For your healing and personal empowerment. Your offerings will reverberate by way of your honesty and sincerity and that’s pretty special.
        I like what you say about art and ambiguity. I love the artist Rothko who did these color fields… (do you know his work?) He did giant color fields and they were subtly layered… and I’d go watch the viewers standing in front of them… like people do in museums when they try to get in the head of the artist… and all of the viewers became part of the work… so the work not only vibrated emotionally, but became living…they’d move to look at the next piece and the painting was new…like how landscapes change in nature… it was marvelous. Anyhow. Thanks for the dialogue and inspiration! 🙂

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