46. Insane in the Membrane

 

.

Sanity is a perfectly normal thing to lose now and then.

 

 

 

Lost, Lost, Lost

Lost what?

I’ ve lost my marbles.
-Tootles from HOOK

 

 

 

I’m usually pretty good at finding lost things.
Could just be because I am so good at LOSING things.

As a kid I was always digging though the lost and found looking for my things.  I remember seeing stuff I wished I could pretend was mine.  All the fancy jackets kids lost.  The worst was the Santa Cruz sweatshirts.  I cant even begin to explain how important a “Santa Cruz” sweatshirt was to my growing years.  If you didn’t have one.  popularity was not going to just fall into your lap.  I never had one.  Sixty dollars for a sweatshirt that would probably be gifted to the lost and found.  NO WAY mom said.

Material things are a little easier to find then the things we lose that are out of sight yet still exist. 


Like virginity. 


You can’t just go searching for your lost virginity.
That’s just crazy.

But sanity


Can be  found.
It will be found in places as simple as your backyard.
or even more simply, when you close your eyes and seek silence.

 

 

 

The real question is what happens if you never find your sanity again.
Could it be like they say about love, you can’t search for it you have to let it find you?
That’s not good enough for me.

I need my sanity.

I need it as much as I need oxygen.  I wish there were an inhaler for whatever you call it when your having misplaced sanity attack.  (do they call those panic attacks)




 

PANIC

why does it happen
this giant dark blob
starting in the pit of your stomach.
growing with your anxious thoughts.
Over the smallest things too.
building with more thoughts.
growing into a monster
that cannot and will not be controlled.
a monster that terrifies me.
That terrifies others.
How lonely it is
To feel like a monster.
To fear your own insanity.
the vulnerability itself
is nearly unbearable.
PANIC.
gasping for air.
grasping for a hand to hold.
and pushing the hand away just as fast.
PANIC.
uncontrollable tears, trembles
and blurry vision.
PANIC.
alone even when you’re not alone.
Dark even when its Bright.
Then with the biggest of sigh.
It all ends just like that.
you catch your breath
You are able to finally
control your body again.
control your actions and words.
from the fog you become clear.
just like that.
leaving you feeling more insane
than the insanity that started it all

PANIC.




 

 shadows

It’s okay to depend on someone…

The KEYWORD here is

“TOO MUCH”

like they say..

even too much of a good thing is a bad thing.

 

 

lll

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11 thoughts on “46. Insane in the Membrane

  1. I’ve never met or known anyone that could be called sane, just people that thinks is sane and all the rest crazy (except people that thinks the same as them :P) I’m honest, I’m insane @_@ and don’t care 🙂

  2. I have to say that I enjoy the layout of this. Yes, I like the content, but this is very creative. I am impressed. Randomness but with structure and a link as it goes. Very nice. I don’t know what your following or views are but if they are not up there yet they will be.
    Much Respect
    Ronovan

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